So, I had this experience recently where I was invited to an impromptu dinner party. “Yeah!” I thought. I love socializing with people! Delicious food and an opportunity to expand my friend circle, how much better can it get? Well...
As it turns out, I was then warned that the host is a bit "interesting." (Uh oh - we all know what that means!) It would be an opportunity to practice holding my kind, calm presence - like a rock in the river, letting all conversation flow around and wash over me without judgement. "No problem," I thought. "I'm experienced at this."
Unfortunately, (and perhaps predictably) it was not as easy as I had confidently imagined! I found myself taking the emotional bait on more than one occasion from this individual. And, as these moments unfolded, I took the opportunity to do some self-reflection. “What am I getting out of this exchange?" I asked myself. "Why am I choosing to feed the monster?” I meditated on these exchanges even more throughout that evening and over the next couple of days.
Here's my big takeaway from it all: Forgiveness. Our host that evening was filled with sorrows, guilt, shame and regret. So much so that it is was too hard to contain it, and it just kept finding ways to spill over into every conversation.
Unfortunately, (and perhaps predictably) it was not as easy as I had confidently imagined! I found myself taking the emotional bait on more than one occasion from this individual. And, as these moments unfolded, I took the opportunity to do some self-reflection. “What am I getting out of this exchange?" I asked myself. "Why am I choosing to feed the monster?” I meditated on these exchanges even more throughout that evening and over the next couple of days.
Here's my big takeaway from it all: Forgiveness. Our host that evening was filled with sorrows, guilt, shame and regret. So much so that it is was too hard to contain it, and it just kept finding ways to spill over into every conversation.
The problem I experienced, however, arose not from the host, but from my interpretation of the behavior that was being launched at me. I found the medicine and the treasure in that experience when I chose to forgive - not just our dinner host, but most of all myself - for feeding into old hurts and projecting another person's pain onto myself.
The best part of that evening turned out not to be the food or the conversation, but rather the opportunity to grow, to heal, and ultimately to cultivate a greater sense of compassion for myself and others.
Have you had a similar experience lately? Did it feel positive or negative at the time? What did you learn from it? Please share your story in the comments below!
Have you had a similar experience lately? Did it feel positive or negative at the time? What did you learn from it? Please share your story in the comments below!
